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This episode of Vicki is a Downer opens with Emily, Shannon, and Gina out to lunch. They discuss the luau party and how Vicki refuses to apologize to Carmella, or even acknowledge that she insulted her by saying her boyfriend raises her kids. Gina questions Emily about whether she is happy in her marriage, and Emily says there is a disconnect.
Tamra goes for some kind of scan with Vicki, and of course, the Carmella thing comes up. Vicki doesn’t think she said anything wrong, as usual. Vicki asks the doctor if she is at risk for Alzheimer’s, but he sees no sign of that. Vicki is relieved because she doesn’t want anything to slow her down at work.
At Heather’s penthouse, Terry is talking to his mom on the phone. She is quite unhappy where she is living and feels disoriented. She does have Alzheimer’s, and it’s sad. Heather says she feels bad about her own mom, and that her mother really will only have surface-level conversations with her. Heather says her family used to tease her for being emotional, and that has affected her all of her life. She says Terry fills a big void for her, and then she fake chokes up a little bit. She says she and Terry have reparented each other, and it’s all just a little staged and new age for me.
Emily hosts a Persian party at her in-laws’ house. Why does she always host there? I know she says it’s better than hers for entertaining, but her house seems just fine to me. Luke doesn’t come because he can become agitated at events, so he stays at Emily’s actual house, where she does not host parties.
All of the women arrive, and Heather’s mom comes, too. Carmella wants to try to avoid Vicki, even though she is still pissed at her. Heather is, too. Vicki walks right up to them both and is super fake nice and friendly. It turns out Vicki is mad at Tamra because she told the women that Vicki has brain damage, which they kind of, but not really, found out when they were getting their scans. Tamra insists that it is not that deep.
Vicki makes gross fart jokes that she thinks are funny. I don’t. She says she doesn’t want Tamra’s toxic energy in her life, and meanwhile, Tamra comes right out and says Vicki is not a good person. They all agree that Vicki has been talking shit about Heather, too. Vicki starts being a downer, again, and says she is going to leave. Tamra wants to confront her about the silent treatment and tries to help Vicki down the porch stairs. Vicki says she wants to clear things up and that she does not have brain damage. She starts crying and says it is no one’s business, and she feels like she can’t trust Tamra. Does Vicki forget this was filmed? Tamra calls Vicki out for saying she is toxic.
Vicki says the other women talk too much. Vicki goes back to harping on her brain damage and cries some more. Tamra apologizes, and they seem to move on, but I am sure this will come up again. Heather talks to her mom about getting involved in the arts scene in LA. Heather wants to get to a good place with her mom and focus on their time together. Tamra brings up Japan and suggests they all go there together. I love how production makes it seem like these ideas come up on the spur of the moment. It never fails. Did I mention the food looks really good? It’s 8:54 and I haven’t eaten yet. I should work on that.
Later, Jen visits Carmella at an empty house. Not her house—a different empty house.
Carmella tries to teach Jen about being a developer or whatever. She wants Jen, who has no experience, to be like a design consultant. Carmella and Jen discuss how important it is to have their financial independence and not be dependent on a man.
At Emily’s, she and Shane are tense and uncomfortable to watch. As usual. Emily says Luke texted her dozens of times when she was at her Persian party. Shane says he is usually the one running around doing everything. She also thinks that Luke works her with texts and tears. Emily is mad that Shane left the party early and did not come back. Shane is defensive and doesn’t want to talk about it. Emily is worried about them going to Tamra’s couples party that is coming up. She is frustrated that Shane won’t say anything, and he wants gratitude for all that he does with the kids.
At Tamra’s party, one season wonder Elizabeth Vargas shows up. I am so glad she isn’t on the show anymore. Remember her? If you don’t, be glad. She was super annoying. Alexis Bellino and John Janssen are also coming, because the producers are determined to drive Shannon absolutely insane. For real. Holy crap. It’s a whole Housewives reunion, and forgotten dinosaur Quinn Fry is there, being boring, just like the old days. Jeana Keough is there, too.
Jo, from Seasons 1 and 2, is also there, along with Lynne Curtin. Geezus. Everyone knows we are just waiting for Alexis and John to show and give Shannon an aneurysm. Those two really need to get a life. Off of this show. But, then again, they probably need the money. Badly.
Emily reveals that Alexis has been talking about Heather. She was offended by something Heather said on WWHL. Heather said she was unsure if she would go to Alexis’ wedding out of respect for Shannon. I mean, duh. Who would want to go to that wedding anyway? Oh, wait. Tamra went, didn’t she? There you go.
Crazy Ass Braunwyn shows up with her wife. Is she even divorced from her husband yet? Whatever. Even Vicki’s boyfriend, Mike, is there. It’s a full house, and it looks like it’s gonna implode.
Shannon says she doesn’t care about Alexis and John. Annd, here they come, accompanied by dramatic music. Alexis shoots eye daggers at Heather and doesn’t say “hello” to her. Heather rushes over to tell the other women about the snub.
Tamra is, of course, thrilled to see Alexis and John, because she knows they stir up shit. Vicki once again greets Carmella like she never insulted her.
Tamra asks Alexis if she really gave Heather a dirty look. Alexis says she actually blew her a kiss. Alexis starts freaking out, and John Janssen wanders out to be near the other women, including Shannon. Shannon wonders if he rented his tux, and I laugh.
Alexis is totally losing her mind and makes a big show of stomping off. Tamra tells Heather to come talk with Alexis, and that certainly doesn’t seem like a good idea, unless you’re Tamra. Heather tells Alexis to chill the fuck out. Alexis says she doesn’t owe Heather anything, and then they start yelling over each other, and Heather stomps back towards the party.
Oh, well. I was expecting much more of a shit show. So was my husband. These episodes are all show and no go lately.
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This week, the women of Salt Lake City are headed to San Francisco for some Golden State fun in the sun. Oh, wait. It’s San Francisco. There probably won’t be any sun. But anyway, we start with some opening shots of the women and finally land on Mary, who is still suffering from Robert Jr.’s loss but has managed to keep her sense of humor.
Bronwyn meets Whitney and Ashley Quai for lunch while Angie heads over to Mary’s house with an orchid. Mary says that the women have been a real blessing to her, and she is glad that Angie is there to catch her up on the group. They discuss Robert Sr., and Angie is so impressed by how he has been supporting Mary. Angie says she has gone through hard times in her marriage, but nothing like what Mary and Robert are experiencing.
Angie tells Mary about the new girl, Ashley, and Mary just hopes she is not like Britani. Same, girl, same.
At lunch, Bronwyn says she likes Ashley, but needs to understand how she could be friends with Lisa. Bronwyn admits saying horrible things about Lisa, but says Lisa started it. I am just calling Quai “Ashley” from this point on.
Angie tells Mary a story about Ashley supposedly cleaning her husband’s toothbrush when she was mad at him. Doesn’t everyone do this when they are mad? No comment.
Anyway, I don’t think I much care for Ashley. I am putting her in the Britani category for now, Mary.
Angie says she has heard that hotel maids will sometimes take your toothbrush and stick it up their butt, and that’s a new one for me. I am just gonna have to start taking my toothbrush with me wherever I go. You can’t trust people around those things.
Ashley says that she felt Angie was rude to her by calling her the new girl and thinks Angie should not really have opinions about her. She also says Heather was really nice to her, but then acted crazy at dinner. It frightened Ashley, and she is not sure which version of Heather is the real Heather. Whitney sticks up for Heather and says Ashley can trust her.
Either way, everyone is excited about the trip, but Mary tells Angie she won’t be going, which is totally understandable.
Next up, we see shots of the women packing and getting ready for their trip. They will be away on Saint Patrick’s Day, and Heather is ready for a good time. Angie tells us she is looking forward to the trip because things are not great in her marriage. She and Sean have grown apart and mostly avoid each other. She says that has gone on for a couple of years. Yikes.
At Meredith’s, she is playing with her DJ equipment. Why do all of these women suddenly become DJs, and more importantly, who in the hell is hiring them? Oh, hell. I probably would.
Seth helps her with the equipment, and I can’t stop staring at her wig. What is going on with it? Why is she wearing it? Does she have a mirror? Her nose looks different, too, but maybe it just got moved around during the facelift? I dunno, but something is off there.
She and Seth debate how much attention their grown children need. Meredith says it’s a lot. All of her kids are involved in her businesses, and she loves it. Seth thinks she coddles them.
At the airport, everyone is all set for San Francisco. Bronwyn has been hyping up the Saint Patrick’s Day trip. Whitney arrives dressed like a leprechaun. I don’t know why, but it irritates me. I think I am imagining being stuck on a plane with her in the costume and thinking it would irritate me.
Lisa isn’t into themes, as we know, but she is wearing green. Britani wanders around pinching and filming strangers like a total moron. WHY is she back? None of the women really like her, and I don’t either.
They finally get to San Francisco and there is sun! On the sprinter van, Bronwyn shares that she grew up nearby, and Whitney also lived near San Francisco for some time. Heather says she feels sorry for Todd, who is a cretin, because Bronwyn has taken all of his money and moved on with a model.
Bronwyn gives them their itinerary for the day and everyone is pretty stoked. Bronwyn discusses doing the Oscar red carpet commentary for E!. Lisa chimes in that she has been invited to the Oscars a ton of times, but has never gone. She is so full of shit. She would probably eat her young for an invite to the Oscars, and all of the women know it.
She blabs on and on about being invited to everything, even before she was on Housewives, and it’s catty. Bronwyn dismisses it.
They arrive at a great hotel in a fantastic neighborhood of the city, and I am jealous. My bestie used to live in San Fran, and I spent a whole lot of time there. I miss it.
Meredith’s room doesn’t have a bathtub. Oh, the horror. The eternal horror.
Bronwyn puts together a bunch of things she has themed for Saint Patrick’s Day. Meredith calls her daughter Chloe, and over the phone, she sounds just like Brooks. It’s freaky.
Heather and Whitney go to Bronwyn’s room, and then Angie shows up, too. Heather asks Whitney what Ashley’s take on everyone is, and Whitney says Ashley said she had interesting experiences with both Heather and Angie. She repeats what Ashley said at lunch, as a good little Housewife does.
Heather and Angie are both offended that Ashley got a bad read on them. They think Ashley is just looking for trouble. Angie brings up the damn toothbrush again. Whitney cannot believe Angie repeated that, as Whitney told her the story in confidence.
Suddenly, Heather and Angie are very anti-Ashley. Whitney is pissed at Angie. It’s gonna be a whale of a trip.
The women all don their best green-themed outfits and head out on the town. They have their own private trolley to take them around town, and it’s awesome. It puts Heather in the mood for Rice-a-Roni. Me, too, kinda.
Britani babbles and Lisa shuts her down. I enjoy it.
Angie gives everyone a toothbrush and I DIE. When did she buy them? This is great. She flat out confronts Ashley with the toothbrush story, and Ashley is dumbfounded—and pissed at Whitney. Ashley does admit she did it, though, and maybe I dislike her a little bit less.
Lisa asks about the condition of the toilet when Ashley cleaned it with her husband’s toothbrush. Lisa says she loves Ashley because she owns her shit.
Angie is still harping on it. She really blows things out of proportion. Always. Heather joins in because she also doesn’t like Ashley. They all start yelling over each other.
Cool trolley trip officially ruined. It may as well be a sprinter van. So much for the Rice-a-Roni.
Ashley swears that she never called Heather “diabolical,” and suddenly Whitney is doubting her own memory and thinks she may have gotten it wrong.
Whitney finally admits that she may have been wrong about what Ashley said. Way to go, Whitney.
Bronwyn tells Ashley that she does not appreciate Ashley yelling at her when she has been there like seven minutes.
They finally hit the first bar, and I realize these bitches aren’t even drunk yet. Christ. They all start pounding Guinness, and no good can come from this. They haven’t even had dinner yet.
Lisa tells us she is Team Ashley and hates how the women gang up on her.
Bronwyn takes a stranger’s cigarette on the street, and suddenly I like her so much more.
On the way to dinner, Ashley cries, and Meredith and Lisa try to comfort her. Ashley blames Whitney for the whole Diabolical Debacle and, duh. Most of the women are over Ashley, and she literally just got here.
She is off to a great start!
Read the Recaps of Episodes 1 and 2 here!
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This episode picks up at Daisy’s seder, where Erin has just called Hailey a homewrecker over her past with Jon Gosselin. Hailey tries to respond, but mostly just breathes heavily and can’t manage a sentence at first. She eventually defends herself, saying she was 22 at the time, and it really changed her as a person. She calls Erin a piece of shit.
Erin says it’s all out there anyway, and Hailey is always showing all of the scandal magazine covers she was on, so Erin doesn’t see the big deal. They start screaming at each other, and then Hailey tells Erin that Erin is a snake, and Hailey is a mongoose.
Daisy tries to quiet them and they finally sit, except for Hailey, who stomps off.
Everyone tells Erin that she went too far over being called boring. Even Carole says so, and I am sure she has been called boring once or twice. She is.
Sai goes after Hailey and tries to get her to come back to the dinner. Daisy tries to serve her meal, and it’s chaotic and awkward. Sai and Hailey return to the table.
They start with matzo ball soup and Princess Carole says it needs salt. Daisy says the whole dinner has gone sideways, and Sai says it reminds her of her Good Vibes dinner.
Carole pipes up to tell Jessel that she left brunch early last week because of Jessel’s invasive questions about the Kennedys. She basically tells Jessel that she is tacky and inappropriate, which is accurate. Jessel fumbles over an apology. Carole tells her that she still has some resentment and gets dingbat vibes from her, but doesn’t think she is necessarily mean. Jessel is less than flattered.
Carole tells Jessel to never bring up the Kennedy curse in front of her again, because it is painful.
Daisy serves the rest of the food, and it actually looks pretty tasty. I am sure Carole thinks it needs salt.
Hailey feels emotionally annihilated and doesn’t want to talk. Daisy calls Jessel out for making fun of her apartment’s popcorn ceilings. Erin chimes in to agree that Jessel is rude. Daisy feels like she is being judged.
Sai tells Daisy to say what is bothering her so much, and Jessel harps on the popcorn ceilings. Daisy explains that her apartment is rent controlled, which is no joke in NYC, popcorn ceilings or no. Daisy says the other women are spoiled. She says Sai could not live without amenities, and Sai says she is proud of her ability to have those things, and then she and Daisy are fighting, too.
Sai is tired of Daisy’s unsolicited advice. Sai angrily tells everyone she is happy, and it’s scary. The women tell her she seems stressed, and I really don’t get what this fight is over. I guess it’s still about the ceilings.
Erika breaks the tension with a toast to Daisy and invites the women to her private island. I need more friends like this.
The seder finally ends, and Hailey says it was the worst in the history of Judaism. I concur.
We see Carole talking about her theater group, and I am so tired I could die. Carole puts me to sleep and irritates me simultaneously.
Carole invited Erika to her theater gala, but Erika can’t come because she has a real film premiere. Anne Hathaway invited her, so I can see why she is skipping Carole’s lame event.
Sai and her aunt spend some time by the Brooklyn Bridge. Her aunt gives her some relationship advice, and Sai admits she was not happy in her marriage, although her husband wants to stay together. Sai thinks he wants the family and the lifestyle, but she wants a divorce, which he is resistant to.
For now, they are separated, and her kids don’t know much about it. Sai has been hiding their problems for a long time to protect the children.
She tells a story about her husband taking her out to dinner for her birthday and charging it to her credit card. She says she knew it was over then.
Sai also shares that her mom once stayed in her house and became so intoxicated that she absolutely wrecked their home. Sai was mortified because it was around her kids, and had to send her mother to a shelter, where she died three months later.
Sai feels a tremendous amount of guilt. She says that she and her husband have never even discussed it, and she feels like she does not have a partner.
At Jessel’s, we see her interacting with her husband. These two are so awkward together. Jessel pushes him to figure out his work situation, and he says he has some things in the works, but he can’t talk about them. Sure.
He left the corporate world to become a food influencer, and he isn’t generating any income. Jessel thinks he needs a reality check, and I would have to agree.
Hailey and her mom go bird watching and generally act insane with each other. They discuss Hailey’s therapy, and Hailey says that Erin is a bully. We revisit their fight at the seder. Hailey feels attacked and traumatized when people take cheap shots at her. She tells us more about the Jon & Kate scandal, and how she did not feel supported by her mom at the time. We get some background on how her mom actually hooked her up with Hailey, and that is totally bizarre. This family is odd.
Next, we get more scenes of Martha Stewart with her publicist, giving water to strange children. Daisy arrives for lunch, and they catch up a little bit before diving into Martha’s schedule, which is incredibly hectic.
Martha gets a little pissed off that Daisy is going away next week and can’t do her makeup. She tells Daisy to remember where her bread is buttered.
Daisy says Martha’s lifestyle has rubbed off on her and spoiled her a bit.
At Carole’s theater gala, some of the other women arrive to support her. Hailey and Erin are there, and Hailey pretends that Erin does not exist. Erin calls her out on it and says she doesn’t get it.
I do. You totally insulted her, and now she hates you. It’s pretty basic.
Jennifer Tilly shows up, and that’s a fancy little surprise. She is one of the honorees of the event. Jessel arrives and says she never says “no” to a gala. Why do I feel like this is one of her first ones? At least, one of her first ones with a real life princess.
At the table, Erin again asks Hailey why she is so mad at her for mentioning Jon Gosselin, when everybody knows the story. Carole is furious that they are talking during the auction, and for once, I agree with her.
She is offended and tells them to stop fucking talking. They still won’t stop, and I would be furious.
Hailey says the whole argument made her sad, but hopes she and Erin can earn each other’s trust. They finally shut up, and that wraps up this week’s RHONY.
Next week, they are headed to the private island, so check back Tuesday night for the recap!
